Issue 2: embodied
self-portrait as angewomon
Michael Russell
can you blame me?
i shrank into a toy
kitten, poached ivory.
i played his game,
rolled over, shut my mouth,
listened. never
spoke, never dared
to look in another direction.
how many sunsets
did i have left?
summers? falls? chances
to bruise & break, smudge
the miracle of my body
with poetry? i remember—
when he wrapped
his scarf around my neck,
squeezed until
i couldn’t
drag
a mote
of oxygen
between
my teeth.
every day was the same
pain, the same fist
knuckled into my ribs,
tenderizing the future
of a nightmare, inescapable
of him.
so, i burned.
burned & burned
like a whisper.
burned the white linens,
of all my prayers,
burned my reflection,
8-winged & holy,
a celestial
arrow, heaven’s charm
thrust into the hollow
of his stomach.
heart dissolved, flushed
like a cockroach
down the kitchen sink.
AUTHOR NOTE: Angewomon is the evolved form of Gatomon. She is an archangel Digimon. Celestial Arrow and Heaven’s Charm are her special attacks.
In the anime, Digimon Adventure, Gatomon was groomed by the season’s villain until eventually breaking free and evolving into Angewomon, managing to take him down with her newfound power.
Michael Russell (he/they) is the queer, mad mother monster behind two chapbooks, gallery of heartache (forthcoming from 845 Press) and Grindr Opera (Frog Hollow Press). They are the coauthor of chapbook Split Jawed with Elena Bentley (forthcoming from Collusion Books). He has a heart full of rainbows, unicorns and chocolate chip pancakes and they want the best for you. Insta: @michael.russell.poet